FAMILY CONSTELLATION QUOTES
Constellations don’t provide a prescription for action
Let the effects sink in before acting
It’s important to remember that a constellation is not a prescription for action, in the sense of “this is what needs to be done now.” That would be unproductive and would put all the responsibility on the therapist. A constellation provides and image that you have to let work in your soul. The picture will have an effect and then, all of a sudden, the soul will see which way to go. Then you know what you have to do. There’s no intervention from the outside that determines how you should act, but rather an inner development that comes from your own souls taking responsibility. This is true of all constellations. These images are impulses for growth and you have to wait and see how the soul reacts.
If you’re trying to settle things too quickly; that doesn’t leave any room for the soul to reverberate. If you just let the new image be there without doing anything, an opportunity will arise for you to put things in order, and it will arise without you having to plan anything.
That’s important in general. Even if you’ve come to some conclusion here about what’s right, you can’t rush out immediately and take action. If you do, you’re acting on external influences, for example, on the therapists influence, or the influence of the new picture of things. Then you’re not being guided by the soul, you’re being directed by thoughts or objections, or restlessness, or whatever. If you don’t act immediately, but simply let the effects sink into the soul, there will be a change in the soul after a while. Then you can act without regard to what happened here. You proceed in accordance with the demands of your own soul. That’s a good way to act because it’s not in obedience to someone else, or a consequence of something, or a resistance to some one. It si a fully authentic action. It is the path to take.
The motivation and the strength to act arise out of your own insight and are an automatic response to the guidance of your own soul.
Looking at how things affect your soul
The rules of logic are different from the rules of the soul or the rules of reality. You can see what is right and what is true by looking at how things affect your soul.
Intuition only works when we are concentrating on the solution, because then we are concentrating on love and respect. Then we don’t need any stories about anyone. As soon as we become curious and want to know more about the problem, intuition ends. It is dependent on respect and love.
The solution lies in what one does oneself
In this kind of therapy we look for solutions that don’t depend on what other people do. No one has to be any different from the way he or she is. Parents don’t need to change, and nobody has to apologize. For example bowing down before the parents, regardless of what the others do. The solution lies in what one does oneself.
When a child’s movement towards someone it loves is interrupted, it causes feelings of despair and sadness, and frequently of anger, and the child comes to the conclusion: “It’s hopeless, there’s nothing I can do,” and gives up and becomes resigned.
The healing process is to go back to the situation in the past and enable the child to complete the movement. This can be done through hypnotherapy or through holding therapy.
When someone who has been interrupted in an early movement towards the mother tries later in life to move towards someone else, for example, a partner, the old memory of the interruption returns, even if it is on an unconscious level, and the person interrupts the movement at exactly the point at which it was interrupted as a child. Instead of carrying the movement straight through to its goal, the person deviates from the course, and a circular movement away from and back to the point of interruption occurs. This is an exact description of neurosis. Neurosis begins at the point that a movement toward someone, usually the mother is interrupted, and neurotic behavior is simply a repetition of this circular movement.
The solution to the problem is implicit in its description. But the solution causes anxiety. Carrying through the interrupted movement to its goal is very painful. It is a painful experience because it is tied up with a feeling of utter helplessness.
Waiting with love
Love can only succeed when both partners have separated from their families of origin with love. If they are still carrying something from their original family, for example, the fate of someone else in the family, then that will be brought into the present family and will affect and damage the relationship. In such a case, both partners need to have patience and to avoid getting angry with each other. They have to recognize that the other is entangled in some way, and wait until it is resolved. This waiting with love involves a sacrifice, but creates an atmosphere in which the entanglement can come to light and be resolved.
Another example is a situation in which one partner is denied access to the children following a divorce. The parents fight over the children and it’s very bad for everyone. If the one who is shut out can wait calmly with love, then something will change as a result of this quiet attention..
"When we have passed a certain age, the soul of the
child we were and the souls of the dead from whom we have sprung come to lavish
on us their riches and their spells." -Marcel Proust (In Search of Lost
Time)
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